Alissa Lively

Feathering the Nest

May 21, 2013

by Alissa Lively


There aren’t very many things I particularly enjoy about pregnancy — except for the baby. I don’t feel fabulous, my nails don’t grow longer or break less, my hair doesn’t do that whole “get thicker and more luxurious” thing, and I definitely don’t glow. I mainly just get cranky.

But in spite of my overall bad attitude about gestation, there are two things I definitely love (three, if you’re still counting that baby): laughing and nesting. For some reason, pregnancy makes me laugh really hard. And often. It’s not that I’m more amused by life during pregnancy (kind of the opposite), but for some reason laughs just come out of me more easily. So, if you need a pick-me-up and want to feel hilarious, you’ve got about a week and a half left to come over and hang out. Your ego will get a huge boost.

And then there’s nesting. Apparently, the instinct to “nest,” or start preparing yourself and your home for a new baby’s arrival, is considered an indicator of imminent birth. Since I’m a natural procrastinator, it tends to take me forever to accomplish projects. Fortunately for me, nesting kicks in about two months ahead of time, so I can actually get something done.

In early April, I got the bug to finally finish (read: start and then finish) some of my projects, and since then I’ve refinished bookshelves, rearranged furniture, and reharped living room lamps; deep-cleaned appliances, reorganized closets, and changed out fall/winter clothes for spring/summer ones; purged toys, clothes, and general miscellanea; and painted two rooms by myself.

In addition to all that, there’s one more project that makes me happy, not only because it brings some closure to an unfortunate situation, but also because it saved me a ton of money — money that I was able to funnel into other projects. Win-win!

For the past year, some very sad curtains and curtains rods have shamed our living-room windows. When an interior designer friend was giving me some ideas for my living room, she very lovingly suggested that no window treatments might be better than the ones I had. Point taken.

I was thrilled to find industrial pipe curtains rods at West Elm, but a little less than thrilled at the money I’d be spending on the three for my living room. So when I found a tutorial to make them myself, I almost fell over. I was able to pick up all the supplies at my Home Depot and put it together in no time.


The hardest part about the project was mounting the rods on the wall. My children have a tendency to wrap themselves up in curtains as part of their daily games, and I didn’t think that having iron rods yanked down onto their heads would add to the general merriment. The pre-drilling and hollow-wall fasteners I ended up using added a little bit of time, but I‘m banking on the future lack of head trauma to justify the extra effort.

It might be an overstatement to say that new curtains and hardware make me feel ready to have a baby, but only by a little. We’ll have a little more privacy with a lot more ambiance, and knowing that makes me feel more relaxed. Now if only that nesting energy would extend to walking up the stairs without getting winded…

What about you? Do you ever get those high-voltage cleaning/reorganizing energy bursts (pregnancy-related or not)?

Images: Alissa Lively


by Alissa Lively


In my first post for SlowMama, I talked about the cyclical nature of living with children and how it can sometimes be a difficult adjustment. I must have been in a pretty positive place at the time, though, because I was working on enjoying that cycle and the little people that keep things constantly moving.

But, as I mentioned, life is cyclical, and this winter found me in a slightly less uplifted frame of mind. I realized that I’ve been backsliding into my old attitude of getting things done in spite of my children, instead of with and for them.

Unfortunately, I only had this realization in the middle of planning my five-year-old’s birthday party. As I was running here and there doing errands to make this party happen, the birthday girl was waiting at home, because I wanted to bang out as many stops as I could with as little distraction as possible.

When I finally gave in to her requests to come with me, we had so much fun picking out plates and napkins and oohing and ahhing over our pretty invitations that I forgot how much faster I’d be getting this errand done, or how more quickly I could be in and out of that store, if I were by myself. Instead, I was enjoying the little girl that all the effort was for and remembering why I wanted to celebrate her life thus far.

I’d love to tell you that my wake-up call brought about a lasting change in my attitude, but even in the completion of said birthday party preparations, I reverted back to my old stand-by of “you kids run and play so I can just get this done.”

So in an attempt to refocus my approach, I’ve started making small (read: heroic) efforts to incorporate my children into more of my daily activities, rather than treat them as impediments to finishing those activities. Some of my recent successes have been: including them in making our meals (chopping what they can, getting things from the fridge); cleaning up around the house (they’re obsessed with washing windows and dusting); and, most heroic of all, allowing one of my daughters to “help” me with the painting of our living room. Granted, her painting was of stick figures on the wall before I rolled over it, but we had a blast being together. I’ve noticed (again) that it’s more fun to embrace the chaotic and less-productive process with my kids than to ignore them in order to “just get it done.”

As our spring break draws to a close and the last leg of the school year looms, I hope that I can keep these changes in mind during the return to our regularly scheduled programming. Wish me luck! Or just give me advice: Do any of you dear readers have any thoughts/tricks/words of wisdom for me? How do you keep your kids involved and your lives running smoothly? I’d love to learn from your experiences!

Image: Alissa Lively


Surprised by Frugality

March 12, 2013

by Alissa Lively


Recently, in an effort to finally eliminate our student loans, my husband Dan and I decided to buckle down in the budget department. We’ve been doing intense debt repayment for a while now, but in the last year our dedication to the cause of financial freedom has wavered a bit.

We re-resolved to pare down our expenses and return to greater economy in our household. It’s been a little bit of a challenge (apparently recreational shopping does not deserve a line item — who knew?), but it’s also been extremely galvanizing. We’ve been pleasantly surprised by how a little frugality has helped us reorient our family to the slower way of life that we’re constantly aiming for. In the short time on our new budget, we’ve found a few positive aspects of thriftiness that have (almost) taken the sting out of some of our bigger changes:

Recommitment to Better Eating

One of our first alterations was to our grocery budget. Our grocery bills have been steadily increasing without a corresponding increase in the size of our family or our enjoyment of food. We realized that we could scale back, but we had to revisit some philosophical choices that we’ve made. When the only consideration is monetary, it makes it hard to justify buying a half-gallon of milk from grass-fed cows (as we’ve been doing) when a full gallon of regular milk costs less. It would be so easy to just pick up the full gallon and be happy with the lower bottom line at the checkout.

Instead, we had to sit down and reevaluate what food choices we’ve made. Discussing our reasons for purchases like grass-fed dairy, humanely raised meat, and local produce made it surprisingly easier to spend that money, since we’re not just considering the financial costs. It also made it much easier to cut out some of the junk that we’d slipped back into purchasing. As a result, our grocery bills are lower, we’re eating healthier, and we’re appreciating our food even more.

Lower Consumption of Resources

In order to lower our monthly bills, we decided to drop the temperature in our house a couple of degrees during the day and ten degrees while we’re sleeping. This might not seem like a lot to most people, but to me, it’s been a serious adjustment. I like to hang out in spring/fall-type clothing, regardless of the weather outside, and I keep my thermostat set to maintain this level of comfort year-round.  However, after just a couple of weeks (I know, I’m a baby), I realized how ludicrous it is for me to walk around barefoot in the winter when a pair of socks will drastically reduce our use of the heater, not to mention save us a significant amount on our gas bill.

In addition to using less gas, we’ve started conserving energy by running our dryer as little as possible. Instead of drying every article of clothing that we own, we now reserve the dryer for socks, undies, and t-shirts only. Hanging up most of our clothes to dry was a pain at first, but now it seems silly to pay money and use electricity to do something that will occur naturally anyway. So, while we conserve electricity and save money, we’re cutting down on the wear and tear that machine drying causes, thereby extending the life of our clothes. Win, win, win!

Renewed Appreciation of Family and Personal Time

In trimming the little extras out of our budget, we’ve found happiness in unexpected places. Instead of picking up burgers on the way home after a long day, we make a quick breakfast for dinner and still have a family meal together around the table. We’ve cut down on renting movies, which translates into more family reading and game nights. And since we’ve been trying to walk more instead of driving, we’re not constantly flipping radio stations in the car. By eliminating the “time savers” and reducing some of the background noise in our lives, we’re more available to what we want to be focusing on anyway: each other.

I know we could have made all these changes without an eye toward saving money — but we didn’t. Refocusing our budget has helped us renew our commitment to some of the things that matter most to us: our family, our impact on the world around us, and our health. Definitely more than I expected from some attempted thriftiness!

What about you? Has budgeting or cutting back in other areas reaped unexpected rewards for you?

Image: Alissa Lively


Valentine’s Day Bunting

February 12, 2013

by Alissa Lively

Wax Hearts

Since Margaret’s already got today’s holiday covered, I thought I’d share a little bit of Valentine’s Day love with the blogosphere.

It’s funny to hear myself say that, because I was never one of those girls that went crazy over Valentine’s Day: I definitely fell into the “This is so lame and people are such suckers” camp. Or it may just be that I suffer from Ann’s affliction of having a heart that is two sizes too small. Luckily, my husband did not share my cynical outlook — he hates the haters — and he’s won me over to Valentine’s Day, hearts and all.

As a result, Valentine’s Day is a much-anticipated holiday in the Lively house. We have a special breakfast, pink decorations everywhere, flowers, cards, and little gifts that appear in the morning. It’s no wonder that my oldest daughter starts counting down the days about three weeks out.

Our decorations this year were born out of a serious necessity for some color in this bleak midwinter — as well as a serious shortage of Valentine’s Day Decoration Funds. Enter Martha Stewart: Her Crayon Hearts required only wax paper and wax crayons, both of which I have in spades.

The process is simple: Lay crayon shavings between two sheets of wax paper, and then iron the paper until the crayon wax melts and spreads. Martha’s directions instruct you to iron between two sheets of craft paper, and with good reason: When I got impatient and ditched the top sheet of paper, I ended up with melted wax on my iron and my ironing board cover…but since I was able to get both clean, I’m calling it a win. Welcome to the world of Slap-and-Giggle Crafting, my friends.

Heart Bunting

After cutting out all the hearts, I decided to string them on one line like bunting, instead of individually, because that would have taken forever. And anyway, everything’s better with bunting, as everyone knows.

So my crayon hearts didn’t end up as light and ethereal as Martha’s, but I expected as much. The Queen of Crafting always wins out over Miss “Hmmm, Let’s See if We Can Speed This Up.” But I still love my heart bunting, and it has definitely cheered up our slightly dreary kitchen. Who knows, maybe someone will get an extra smooch or two on Thursday because of it…

Images: Alissa Lively


Embracing the Citrus

January 15, 2013

by Alissa Lively


After dinner on our most recent date night, my husband and I were looking over the restaurant’s dessert menu and my heart leapt at this offering: Seasonal Fruit Crisp. While I love apple pie as much as the next girl, at this point in the season I’m a little apple-pied out, and I’ve been longing for something like those delicious fruit pies and crisps and crumbles of summer.

Unfortunately, this particular seasonal fruit crisp was not destined to fulfill that longing: It ended up being a plum and golden raisin crisp that, while sounding lovely, was overstewed and overspiced. A little too seasonal for me.

And so begins the oh-so-long slog to spring, with very few fruity desserts to get me by. Try as they might, chocolate desserts can never quite fill the void that opens once the summer and fall fruits disappear from the grocery stores.

Luckily, citrus fruits, while not quite up to my standards of a strawberry or peach, really come through in the clutch during the winter months. As Zoe posted last year during the dregs of winter, citrus comes into its own right about now, and it couldn’t be more welcome in the Lively household. Around Christmas, clementines became our perfect snacking fruit; now that they’re fading, oranges and grapefruits are taking their place.

Even better, Fine Cooking has stepped up with the perfect remedy for my fruity dessert cravings: orange sherbet. It is so fresh and fruity and creamy and zingy that I might be set until spring. Take that, you crisps and crumbles! Your emotional power over me is broken.

Orange Sherbet!

The process is super simple, as you can see from the recipe. The hardest (and most time-consuming) part was juicing all those darn oranges; at one point I thought about quitting and just drinking the juice that I had already squeezed. But seriously, thank goodness I didn’t: The resulting sherbet was so worth the effort.

And don’t let the mention of an ice cream maker deter you: David Lebovitz has a great article on making ice cream without a machine. In a nutshell, you vigorously mix the ice cream/sherbet liquid periodically as it freezes (it takes about two to three hours), and you’re done! Great for the ice cream machine–challenged among us.

Now there’s nothing standing between you and the best dessert of the season. Well, the best dessert of the season according to me… Anyone want to challenge me on this? What are you favorite winter desserts?

Images: Alissa Lively


by Alissa Lively

In an effort to streamline my kitchen and simply my life, I decided to look for a way to consolidate as many lists and to-dos as possible in one space. Since our kitchen/dining room combo is definitely where we spent the most time, it seemed like a natural choice for a command center. Enter: The Refrigerator.

I know using your refrigerator as a central information-storing unit is not novel in any way. But I had a brilliant idea: Why not a chalkboard refrigerator? Everything would be located in one place, and it would be less visually cluttered without magnets and random scraps of paper. Genius! Or at least I thought — but apparently 7 million other people have already had that bright idea.

Once again, my novel idea was not so novel, but what the heck, I decided to do it anyway. Unfortunately, I’m still a renter, and I didn’t have the guts to ask my landlord if they would mind if I, ahem, painted their refrigerator. I thought my project was stymied until I had another brainwave: chalkboard contact paper.

A day full of trying to line up six-foot-long sheets of sticky-backed paper may not appeal to most sane people, but I love that kind of precise, meaningless toil. My day with it was great: I removed the handles from the fridge and was able to cut holes in the contact paper around the hardware mounts. Getting around the water dispenser was a little trickier, and it has the mistakes to prove it. I dream about repapering that side one day, but the stress of the imperfections will have to build up for a while longer before I actually gird my loins and do it.

Once the fridge was papered and the handles replaced, we “seasoned” our oversize chalkboard. If you don’t season a chalkboard by rubbing it all over with chalk and then erasing it, you’ll experience “ghosting” — when the original chalk lines drawn on the board never fully erase. (It’s kind of a bummer, which we learned firsthand with the girls’ easel.) After the seasoning was done, I made a calendar to keep our family’s activities mapped out in one place. At first I tried it with a chalk marker, but switching the months got to be frustrating when I would accidentally erase the calendar itself. So I changed the frame of the calendar to electrical tape, which lets me erase every month with impunity.  Now, the upper half of my command center stores all of our appointments, parties, and adventures in one place, as well as most of my lists (grocery, Target, books to read, movies to watch).

There has, however, been a downside to my genius. The lower half of the fridge has been commandeered by several budding artists who don’t quite get the whole “less visually cluttered” aspect of what I was going for. They’re also blissfully unaware of the piles of chalk dust that accumulate on the floor, their clothes, and their little fat feet and hands (and, ergo, the rest of my house). It also makes using the refrigerator difficult when I have little people blocking the doors.

But in spite of the dust and less mobility in the kitchen, our chalkboard refrigerator has not only consolidated our family information but also our family itself. I didn’t think that our kitchen could be any more central, but with the babies headed for the chalk at any lull in the day, they’re almost always around. And though making dinner around the pile of children can get tricky, it’s nice that we can be together at that particularly stressful time of day without totally driving each other crazy. They all draw and chatter while Dan and I cook and decompress from the day. It’s a far cry from when they were previously banished to another part of the house altogether. I suppose I can deal with a little chalk dust here and there in exchange for a little more peace.

What about you? Have any of your projects had unexpected benefits or downsides?

Images: Alissa Lively


by Alissa Lively

Starting before my post on disposable fashion back in September, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to update my wardrobe. I have a change-of-season disorder where, at the beginning of each new season, several key pieces from last year fall apart simultaneously, leaving me with a serious clothing deficit. Combining this with my recent disavowal of discount fashion retailers equals a pretty sparse and inflexible closet.

In order to increase the workability of my wardrobe, I finally patched some jeans that have been languishing unused for too long. They’ve had rips in the knees for a couple of years now, which finally exploded from not-really-noticeable to hey-I-miss-90s-grunge-don’t-you?!

Taking a cue from sweet finds like this one, I decided to fix them up with some heart patches. Then I found this tutorial, which definitely simplified the project. I’d originally planned on sewing those darn patches, which would have gotten pretty ludicrous, as my sewing machine comes with one setting: straight line. So, hello, fusible backing!

The red fabric I’d initially chosen for the patches started to sound a bit silly, as it dawned on me that the only other red article of clothing I own is…another pair of pants. So I cut off the too-long ends of my jeans and made my patches out of them instead. I’ve wanted to shorten these jeans forever anyway, and this seemed like the perfect reason to bite the bullet.

So, with not having to find fabric or do any sewing, this project ended up being a breeze. I did have to re-fuse one of the patches because I over-ironed: This being my first foray into fusible backing, I wasn’t aware that too much heat is a bad thing for the adhesive, which basically evaporated.

But even with the redo, these patches were a cinch to finish, and even though they’re not perfect, the reintroduction of these jeans to my wardrobe doubled my available outfit choices. Not only that, but I feel extra happy that a still-usable article of clothing hasn’t gone to waste.  My wardrobe may not be 100% sustainable, but I’m making progress!

What about you? Have you mended or repurposed any clothing to extend its lifespan? Do you feel the same glow of resourcefulness that I do?

Images: 1, Alissa Lively; 2&3, Kathleen O’Beirne


by Alissa Lively

Since September, I had been planning on writing my October post about the apple galette that I brought to Zoe and B’s shower. At the time, it seemed appropriate and seasonal and delicious — that is, until I read Mags’ post on fall and pumpkin-flavored everything that helped me get my priorities straight and reminded me what I should be focusing on.

Enter the Brown Butter Pumpkin Layer Cake: the most glorious incarnation of pumpkin that I have ever experienced. It’s a Fine Cooking magazine recipe that involves roasted and pureed pumpkin, glazed pecans with melted crystallized ginger, and brown butter in the cake and the cream cheese frosting. It also takes an entire morning (make that an entire day if you’re like me on my first solo attempt) to whip up. And yet, I still make it multiple times a season because it is that amazing.

Luckily for me, when I first started baking this cake, the rest of my little family wasn’t too interested. So two or three times in the fall, I would spend all morning baking this cake, then pressure everyone into eating at least one slice because I worked so hard and they must love it by now. Then I would spend the rest of the week eating a slice for dessert after lunch and a slice for dessert after dinner.

Not-so-luckily for me, either I’ve become a much better baker over the past couple years, or my family has finally succumbed to my relentless pumpkin indoctrination, because now everyone loves the cake. So my week-long cake has now shrunk to my two-days-if-I’m-lucky cake. But having fellow pumpkin-cake lovers in the house makes up for it. A little.

This recipe is pretty perfect to start out, but there are a few things that I’ve learned over the past couple of autumns that are worth sharing. First: I started adding some freshly grated nutmeg to the dry ingredients, and it totally ups the spiciness of the cake in a good way. Second: Don’t over-mix the batter, because when this cake is flat it is so, so sad. Third and Most Important: Do not use canned pumpkin in place of the fresh roasted pumpkin. The recipe says you can, but — trust me — don’t. The canned pumpkin is too concentrated and heavy and it really throws off the amazing balance of the cake. Roasting and pureeing the pumpkin is an extra step, but I think it’s worth the end result. (I try to do it a day ahead of time, and then it doesn’t seem so overwhelming.)

So while I always have a special place in my heart for pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin donuts, this cake is my perfect food realization of the fall season. I hope you will try it and love it as much as I do. And also bring me a piece.

Images: Alissa Lively


Clueless About Fashion?

September 17, 2012

by Alissa Lively

Recently, I visited the Zara in Georgetown, DC, and I felt like I could’ve bought out the store. Everything was a fun, cheaper version of what was currently selling in my favorite but more expensive stores. I snagged a great dress that ended up not fitting as well as I’d hoped, but I figured I could exchange it for any of the other fabulous pieces that I had found.

However, when I returned ten days later, not one of those fabulous pieces was left in the store. The sales girl informed me that they receive shipments of new styles almost every day.

Rapid turnover for fashion retailers like Zara, H&M, and Forever21 is just one of the issues that Elizabeth Cline discusses in her recent book Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion. She traces the history of the fashion industry in the United States — from when many women made their own clothes, or invested in quality pieces from department stores, to our current attitude of, “It’s so cheap, I could wear it once and throw it away!”

After several years of thinking about where my food comes from and what effect its production has on the environment, it was pretty humbling to realize that I’m clueless about the origins of my clothes. Not only that, but I’ve bought into the disposability mentality myself. This June, I was looking for summery wedges, which I found at a nearby H&M. When the shoes rang up as $10 instead of $25, did I question the quality of their construction or the overall value? No, I picked up another pair in a jewel green! I can’t remember the last time that jewel green was featured in my wardrobe, but they were so cheap! At that price I could definitely afford to round out my look.

This attitude of “It’s cheap, let’s buy more!” is precisely what is fueling the fast fashion industry. By pumping out millions of new styles at lower prices every week, retailers have consumers hooked and coming back over and over again. But the drive down to the lowest price has had significant consequences: Not only has it almost annihilated the U.S. garment production and textile industry, but it has also weakened the quality of our clothing and increased the amount of waste. (One Salvation Army in Brooklyn amasses eighteen tons of unsellable clothing every three days!)

In addition, the disappearance of the garment industry in the States creates new complications in the countries filling that void. Many of us laughed or sneered at Kathie Lee Gifford when her sweatshop scandal came to light in the mid-90s, but the fact is that many of the factories producing the vast majority of our clothing are operating questionable, if not unsafe, work environments and not providing their employees living wages. Furthermore, over-congestion of garment production factories in these countries is directly affecting the environment at large: In the Guangdong Province in China, the pollution is so thick that visibility is less than a quarter mile, and dye waste pollutes the rivers to the point of coloring them red and blue. And it is not just Asia suffering the effects: Air quality and weather patterns on the West Coast have been altered by pollutants from China too.

While the discoveries that Cline makes seem bleak, the book ultimately has a positive outlook. She believes that the reign of cheap fashion won’t last, because it’s unsustainable for producers and increasingly less attractive for consumers. Instead, she suggests seeking out and supporting designers that use quality fabrics and produce their clothing in small batches from factories based in the United States. By mending ripped tights and patching frayed jacket elbows, we can save our clothes instead of tossing them in the trash. Or take classes and make your clothes from scratch, like Mags! If that sounds like a little too much self-reliance, tailors can provide an almost-forgotten service of mending, altering, or even completely constructing clothing perfectly fit for us. After many years of suffering through long jeans for too-short legs, it sounds like a dream to me…

Since, unfortunately, my H&M wedges wouldn’t stay on my feet and the fake cork veneer on the heels started to peel off almost immediately, I now own two pairs of summery wedges that I can’t even use. Now that $20 is actually looking a little expensive. But with an eye toward the permanence and sustainability of my future wardrobe, I hope that they will be my last casualties of cheap fashion.

Image 1: IMDB, Image 2: Confessions of a Shopaholic


In her recent-ish review of Jennifer Reese’s Make the Bread, Buy the Butter, Mags discussed a topic that many cooks face at home: Do the benefits of making certain foods from scratch outweigh the extra inconvenience that those efforts may require?

Since I’m in a constant search for that balance myself, I really enjoyed reading Mags’ insights and everyone’s comments on what they consider worth the time — as well as what they don’t. It seems like every home cook has a personal threshold where the hassle outweighs the advantage, and vice versa.

A very influential factor for me — and, I think, many SlowMama readers —  is the effect of the seasons on the food that we choose to make or buy. In the summer, when our CSA box is bursting with vegetables, it seems not only tasty but almost imperative to use them up in the freshest, rawest way possible.

Enter pico de gallo. All the rest of the year round, I can settle for salsa from a jar, but when midsummer rolls around, store bought salsa is anathema.

I’m pretty sure that my versions of pico de gallo don’t fall into the “authentic” category, but they are so tasty that I continue to make them any darn way I please. The pico pictured in the photos consists of tomatoes, red onions, jalapenos, garlic scapes, cilantro, and peaches. But I’ll omit anything that I don’t have on hand, and add anything that I do: scallions, peppers, regular garlic, mango, cucumber — whatever I feel like. After everything is diced, I throw it together, squeeze plenty of lime juice over it, salt to taste, and mix. If you can let it sit for a little while so the flavors meld, definitely do that, but if you can’t, just dig in! We eat it with Xochitl chips because they are thin and crispy and delicious.

(Personal [but relevant] side note: I tried to make my own tortilla chips once before, and while they turned out OK, they didn’t rock my socks off. So while homemade tortillas are definitely still on my “make from scratch” list, the chips definitely fall into the “buy” column.)

The one downside to this pico de gallo is its shelf life: After about 24 hours (or less!) in the fridge, it starts to lose its delicious zingy, summery goodness. You shouldn’t have too much of a problem devouring it all in one sitting, but if you do find yourself in the unlikely situation of having leftovers, make sure you devour it the next day at least.

What about you? Are you convinced of the wisdom of fresh pico? Do you have any foods that you only make from scratch in the summer?

Images: Alissa Lively