by Ann Waterman
With the news that our family would be expanding, my husband and I decided it was time for our two boys to become roommates and free up some space for the newest Waterman. We moved them in together immediately after our summer vacation: Since they spent the holiday sharing the same bed and had grown accustomed to sleeping together, it seemed like the ideal time to make the change.
The boys love being together in the same room, but the transition hasn’t been without its challenges. My oldest son knows that leaving the room after bedtime is frowned upon, except to use the bathroom or for some other emergency (like monsters, according to him). Our two year old, on the other hand, can no longer be contained in a crib and likes to attempt room escapes. Our solution has been to darken the outside hallway and lock the doors to other rooms to make night expeditions as unattractive as possible — with a night light in his room to beckon him back — but this doesn’t always work.
Even if the boys do stay in their room, there can be a lot of shenanigans that go on well past their bedtime. On some level, the late-night conversations and giggling fits are heartwarming — and I’m sure will provide many happy memories for both. But after the umpteenth visit upstairs to quiet them, it can get pretty old. Fortunately, they’ve begun to catch on to the art of staying under the radar, so while there may be shenanigans going on, my husband and I can’t hear it — and we’re OK with that.
In spite of the additional effort involved in getting this new sleeping arrangement to work, it’s worth it to us. After my stint in college as a resident assistant, where I mediated one too many disagreements between roommates — some that escalated to outright wars over the pettiest things — I was adamant that our children would share a room with another sibling at some point in their lives, no matter how many rooms we had in our home.
In a world where we’ve become increasingly isolated from each other emotionally, psychologically, and physically, we want to foster a spirit of togetherness however we can. Of course, room-sharing is no guarantee of brotherly love or lifelong friendship; still, we want our sons to know what it’s like to live closely with another person — to have disagreements over shared spaces and things, to learn how to compromise, and to discover the joy of always having someone there for you. It can only help prepare them when they face the same problems later in life, whether it’s with a college roommate, housemate, or spouse.
Did you share a room with a sibling growing up? If so, do you feel it benefited you? And if you have any suggestions for making sibling room-sharing work, I’m all ears!
Image: Ryan Haber Photography
Hello, I'm Zoe Saint-Paul. I'm a writer, life coach, and new mama to twins who's trying to live "slower" in a speed-obsessed world. Here we chat about life and love, food and design, and everything in between -- all at the right pace. So grab some tea, pull up a chair, and join the conversation. Feel free to 
I couldn’t agree more! The exact same thing happened when we put a two-year-old Oliver in with a four-year-old Milo. We actually had to move Oliver out for a few months until he was good and ready to handle it (he was keeping Milo awake with all of his silliness). But once we reintroduced the idea, all has been well. They really need each other and enjoy the company. Milo sometimes even helps his little brother back to bed after nighttime wake-ups.
I shared a room with my little brother for a few years and loved it. Much bonding occurred, and I am seeing the same with my boys!
We have a loft bed so the oldest will scale up there (we removed the ladder) to escape the 2 year old when he’s out of hand, but I find that he’ll often descend later to sleep with him. So sweet.
That’s so funny…I was also an RA, and I will always force my children to share a room. Unfortunately, we’ve had a hard time with the boys because the younger one snores (we’re looking into this…it’s a medical thing) and keeps the older one awake. But I’m sticking to it, even if we win the lottery and could afford a six-bedroom house!
We’d definitely have them in separate rooms if there was good reason. Thankfully, my oldest is a really deep sleeper and often falls asleep before my youngest!
I fully agree! I loved sharing a room with my siblings growing up (we usually had 3 to a room), but equally loved getting my own room in eigth grade (: While sharing rooms we had dance parties, wrestled, made lists of “rules” for each other, and even did the tape across the room thing. My siblings and I love to remnisce about it now!
Kari, that’s so good to hear — makes me feel even better about our decision to room the boys together!
I remember getting my own room when I was about 5 and then begging my mom to let me share again with my siblings. I loved sharing a room until I was a teenager — then I appreciated some privacy, especially with so many people in the house. I know the bedtime shenanigans drove my mum crazy sometimes, but we loved it and it was a great bonding experience.
Our girls share a room and a bed, and we won’t change that until they request it, which I don’t expect will be for a long time. Perhaps they’ll eventually graduate to wanting their own beds, and then when they’re older might want their own rooms, but we’ll see. Being twins, they may be happy to share until they’re ready to leave the nest. Sniff, sniff.
I’m thinking the teenage years will probably necessitate the need for separate rooms, but who knows! My oldest is pretty social.
It wasn’t until I was out of college that I actually had my own room! Growing up with eight other brothers and sisters there was no such thing as your own room and in college I had a roommate. I actually had to get used to NOT having to share a room with someone.
We moved our two girls in together when they were 3 and 1. There were a lot of late nights, but it gradually stopped over the course of a couple of months. They are 4 and 2 now. They do sometimes stay up to “talk”, but normally never longer than an 1/2 hour or so. We never had a problem with the 4 year old turning on lights or leaving the room. We never gave her a nightlight so I guess she never bothered getting out of bed. Our 3 year old boy doesn’t share a room, but has gone through the habit of getting out of bed at night so we got a child handle lock and put it on the inside of his room so he couldn’t get out. It works fine.
James was good about staying in his room and going right to sleep, but Peter is a different animal!
I shared a room with my sister until I was 12 and she was 6. I loved it, and I have happy memories of chatting and (best thing ever) our parents letting us listen to music as an occasional treat. I remember in one house, our parents were generous and let us have the master bedroom — no bathroom, but lots of extra room for toys. We were both deep sleepers, so I don’t remember there ever being any problems with one of us waking up the other, and I can’t remember any shenanigans greater than one of us sneaking into the other’s bed sometimes.
It’s good to hear you enjoyed sharing a room with your younger sister even with a quite an age differ. There’s a 5 year gap between my oldest two and I was a bit worried that it might be too much but it’s worked out just fine.
During the course of my life I shared a room with a sibling or roommate or husband for all 29 years, except for 5 months of my senior year of college because my roommate got married. I was lonely, even though I still lived with 2 other friends, I wonder if that had to do with my constant stream of sibling roommates growing up.
Our 6 and 4 year old have shared a room since my son was 15 months old and my daughter was 3. They are both heavy sleepers so we didn’t have much trouble, but they’ve been asking for me to put our 2 year old in with them and fear our little party animal will keep everyone up all night long. But sometimes I think it would be nice to have a guest room.
BTW, cute kids!
I love that your kids are asking for the 2 year old to join them!
I always shared a room with at least one or two of my older brothers (I’m the fourth of five kids). Absolutely loved it growing up. I know it was a strain on my folks here and there, my dad storming into the room late at night telling us all to calm down was a regular thing, but we didn’t have any alternatives.
My wife didn’t share a room growing up. We used to go back and forth over which would be better for the kids (she felt it was important for everyone to have their own space in the house, and I’ve long considered that to be an unrealistic expectation), but I think she’s finally come around to the sharing side with me. We have two kids already, plan to keep having more, and we live in the city. Something has got to give.
I imagine rooming kids together is a matter necessity for a lot of families, but it seems to have happy unintended consequences like sibling bonding and lifelong memories.
Did you room with your brothers through the teenage years? Did you ever want your own room during this time?
Just moved C (2yrs) in with L (5yrs) in anticipation of new one too! C won’t stay in her bed to save her life and L isn’t much better. Often rock C to sleep and then lay her in her bed. Here’s to hoping they get better fast!!
Tracy, keep me posted and let me know if you find something that makes for smoother bedtimes!
Sharing a room has been one of the fondest memories of my childhood even if it meant up to 4-5 in a room at times. We used to sneak into each others bedrooms at night for sleep-overs when we had less to a room. Even in high school it’s worth sharing a room! It keeps kids open, honest and gives them someone to pour their heart to after they head to bed. My boys(6 and 7) have always shared a room by necessity and now the baby and 3 year old do. The only wish I have is that for the first year the baby could have their own room. Can’t be the case so she’s in with her sister and it works okay. Thankfully her sister is an excellent sleeper. Good post, Ann!
Thanks, Tricia! It’s nice to hear that you enjoyed sharing a room even in your teen years!
I never shared a room, so don’t know what it would be like. I was always grateful for this, as I was the kind of kid that liked a lot of privacy just to daydream and to play, and then to play with my sister if I wished (she was six years younger). I think there are pros and cons to both..it’s great for kids to learn to share in that way, but it’s also great for them to have a space that they can call their own.
I can appreciate that not every child would want to room with a sibling particularly as they get older. Thankfully, our boys love being together and wouldn’t want to be separated at this point!