I’ve noticed over the years that bloggers with transracial families often write about race on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It’s an appropriate day to do so, and the issue has been on my mind lately…
Since the girls came home, I’ve become painfully aware of the images that surround me every day and how they might affect my girls. Over Christmas, I noticed that most of the religious images we have at home — or receive on cards, or see elsewhere — depict Jesus, Mary, angels, and saints as northern Europeans. The girls began to insist that angels had straight, blonde hair “like mommy.” So we pulled up some images online from Ethiopian religious art and showed them angels with curly dark hair like theirs. It was hard to convince them, but they eventually seemed to get it.
All of my favorite catalogues that arrive by mail — such as Boden, Sundance, Garnet Hill — show white models with blonde or light brown hair, with almost no exceptions. The girls love to look through these catalogues because they love clothes and jewelry and pretty things.
Well-meaning, wonderful friends have given the girls items with white, blonde princesses on them. Even at the pediatrician’s office, while sitting in the the waiting room and then the examination room, the wall decals that surrounded us were of white princess characters. And this is a practice with Indian and Chinese physicians, with a patient population that is largely non-white: Hispanic, African American, etc.
I can see very clearly now how easy it is for my daughters to begin to internalize the idea, based on what they see, that fair skin and light-colored, straight hair is better — more desirable, more attractive.
How do I counter this? I don’t know exactly. I’m giving it a lot of thought. It doesn’t help that I, their mother — whom they think is the cat’s meow — fits the stereotype. All the more important, in my opinion, to be aware of how I can help my daughters to know that they are fabulous and beautiful the way they are.
I’m grateful we currently live in a place with diversity. One good thing about living in an East-coast city: When the girls are out, they see all kinds of people with different skin tones, facial features, and hair. Meanwhile, I’m on the hunt for a nativity set that does not depict the figures as caucasian. I’m also interested in collecting more culturally diverse art and images — and I’m considering canceling my subscriptions to most of my current magazines and viewing the products online instead. At the very least, I may look for a few magazines that feature a greater range of models. (O magazine does, for one.) We’re careful about the books, toys, and dolls we give the girls.
Whether it’s the churches we attend or the neighborhoods we move into, this issue is going to factor into our decision-making in different ways as we go along. I’m sure it will be hard to know where to find the balance, since I don’t want to create artificial environments or contrived relationships. At the same time, I want my girls to be surrounded by enough “difference” so that they can find their own place and feel okay about being in a family that looks a little different.
Image found here
Hello, I'm Zoe Saint-Paul. I'm a writer, life coach, and new mama to twins who's trying to live "slower" in a speed-obsessed world. Here we chat about life and love, food and design, and everything in between -- all at the right pace. So grab some tea, pull up a chair, and join the conversation. Feel free to 
The Disney princess stuff is just everywhere, isn’t it? I don’t mind the whole princess idea, I don’t think it is damaging, and little girls love it. But how they all look exactly alike? Ugh. I know that they have added more diverse princesses now (Tiana yay!), although I will never understand why they made their first Latina princess have red hair and blue eyes. And hey, how about a princess with more than a 20 inch waist! Maybe a chubby princess!
Yes, even the “minority” princess characters they come up with somehow all look white — and Barbie-ish. They don’t even have to go with chubby; I’d settle for anything that looks like a real girl.
Sharing your same city, I, too, am glad to live in such a diverse place. There are more people of color living on our block than white people. I am always in the minority in our grocery store. I’m thrilled that the classes I’ve signed Kiya up include children of a variety of races. I noticed some of this before we decided to adopt transracially, but it is SO prevalent in all that I do now. I am constantly scanning the room, the store, the park, wherever, to see who else is there. My next goal is to make friends with more people of color, because our inner circle definitely needs some growth in that regard. K needs more black people in her daily life, not just when we go out and about.
My ideal neighborhood would have a range of people from different backgrounds but that’s not always easy to find. We do get some of that here, though. I struggle with the idea of making friendships based on skin color, but I think making choices that place us in situations where we associate with people who don’t all look caucasian will be helpful!
Are you familiar with the religious art of Laura James? (http://www.laurajamesart.com/religious.htm#)
If I remember correctly, she’s a New Yorker of Antiguan descent and her work is heavily influenced by Ethiopian Christian art. I love her style and think her religious art is pretty spectacular.
Oh, wow, love her work! And hadn’t heard of her before. Thank you for pointing her out to me! Her religious art is especially gorgeous. Need to start saving up for a piece…
While I smiled to read that your daughters think of you as an angel (so sweet!), I feel your angst. This year my youngest (5) laughingly told me that the Santa toy playing the saxaphone at my parent’s house, “couldn’t be the real Santa because he has dark skin.” I have tried to present Santa as a way for children to understand God, so this was particularly poignant. We’re in a diverse community, by happy coincidence a majority of our homeschooling friends are multi-racial, we don’t watch commercial tv, and we avoid immersing ourselves in Disney, but still the prevailing culture affects them.
And the hair issue! Whether on Disney princesses or in other communities, that’s a topic in itself, epitomizing so much of the tension and wrapping in other issues as well. Whew. More on that from me soon…
It’s going to be impossible to counter the prevailing cultural forces you mention. It’s just so entrenched. But just going by population trends alone, the future belongs to non-whites and my hope is that my girls will be confident in who they are, which includes how they look, where they came from, and all the aspects that will have made them the unique women they will be.
There are two books you might find interesting for the girls. Paper Bag Princess was written by Toronto children’s author, Robert Munsch. It is a fantastic story. The other one is Princess Grace, by Mary Hoffman. It is not about Princess Grace of Monaco.
Both demonstrate non traditonal images of princesses.
Happy New Year, en passant!
J
Thanks for these recommendations! I will put them on our list. And happy new year to you, too!
UGH…what a dilemma. I, too, have struggled with this since we brought our kids home. I have found that there is a lot out there, you just have to be very intentional. Instead of just browsing at the book store, I have to do homework ahead of time. Instead of just picking a movie off of Netflix, I have to do research first. I like the suggestions above, and will add http://www.amightygirl.com. Although it does not focus on race, it does focus on the kind of message I want my kids (especially my girls) to get, and I can narrow it down from there.
I rarely take time to look at the grown up Boden catalog anymore, but the Mini Boden one features kid models of various shades and heritages. I’ve noticed on the website that more of the grown up models are not white, too, so hopefully they’ll do better in their regular catalogs as well.
It’s tough to surround our children with diversity when things are still so geared towards production of items that are blond and pale, or at best, brunette and pale. I am grateful that sites like Etsy exist so I can find what I want. I also love that IKEA has baby dolls that are in three different shades/ethnicities. It’s not great, but it’s getting better. I also have noticed that if I go to a Target in a more diverse area for holiday cards, they have a good selection of cards that feature more skin shades.